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Humour
Gayyoom dead?
Gayyoom was travelling on his 'Arumaazu' when it had an
accident on a coral reef near an island. There was a blast and
Arumaazu was on fire. As soon as NSS heard about it, the Coast
Guard vessels rushed to the scene, and found the frame of
Arumaazu washed ashore on the island beach. No one was at
sight.
Two-Two was furious knowing he is about to loose everything he
had. Determined to save Gayyoom, Two-Two used a modern hi-tech
binocular which Gayyoom gave him on his Birthday, and found a
fisherman cleaning his dhoni.
He reached the fisherman and
asked him with a 'military accent',
"Did you see what happened
to Arumaazu"
"I saw everything" said the
fisherman.
"Did everyone die?" Two-Two
said.
"Everyone was dead" said the
fisherman.
"Where are all the dead
bodies then?" said Two-Two in tears.
"I buried all of them" the
fisherman said.
"Did you bury the President
of the Maldives also?" Two-Two said.
"He was shouting saying he
is not dead" said the fisherman. "But as you know very well
Gayyoom is a good liar... so I buried him"
Jaraa by email - 8
November 2004
Cabinet session. Dr. Shaugee
looked gloomy. Gayyoom asks Shaugee "Is anything wrong?"
Shaugee replies. "No Mr. President".
Another Cabinet session.
Again Dr. Shaugee looked gloomy. Gayyoom asks Shaugee "Is
anything wrong?" Shaugee replies. "No Mr. President". After
Zahiyaa was appointed, and during the cabinet session that
followed, Dr. Shaugee looked cheerful. Gayyoom asks Shaugee
"Is anything wrong?" Shaugee replies. "I finally found my
match".
Dummaari
Maldives - Thursday, October 21, 2004 at 01:37:47 (MDT)
First Lady Nasreena Gayyoom and Minister of Health Aneesa were having one of
those girl to girl talks. Nasreena says to Aneesa, "You're lucky that you
don't have to put up with men having sex with you. I have to put up with
Maumoon, and there is no telling where he last had his pecker."
Aneesa responded, "Just because I am aesthetically challenged (that's
"politically correct" for ugly) doesn't mean I don't have to fight off
unwelcome sexual advances."
Nasreena asks, "Well how do you deal with the problem?"
Replies Aneesa, "Whenever I feel that a guy is getting ready to make a pass
at me, I muster all my might and squeeze out the loudest, nastiest, fart I
can."
Well, that night, Maumoon was already in bed with the lights out when
Nasreena headed to bed. She could hear him start to stir, and knew that he
would be wanting some action. She had been saving her farts all day, and was
ready for him. She tenses up her butt cheeks and forces out the most
disgusting sounding fart you could imagine.
Maumoon rolls over and says, "Is that you Aneesa?"
Hassan Thakuru <hassanthakuru@hotmail.com>
Male, Maldives - Tuesday, October 19, 2004 at 05:07:44 (MDT)
Three guys, Anni, Gayyoom,
and Sappe are out walking together one day. They come across a lantern and a
Genie pops out of it.
"I will give each of you each one wish, that's three wishes total," says the
Genie.
Anni says, "Since we don’t have much farming land, I want you to create a
big firming land, and the land must be forever fertile."
With a blink of the Genie's eye, 'POOF' he created a big firming land in
front of Male' and was forever made fertile for farming.
Gayyoom was amazed, so he said, "I want a wall around my Palace, so that no
infidels, or MDP's can come into my palace."
Again, with a blink of the Genie's eye, 'POOF' there was a huge wall around
Theemuge.
Sappe, asks, "I'm very curious. Please tell me more about this wall."
The Genie explains, "Well, it's about 15,000 feet high, 10 feet thick and
completely surrounds Theemuge; nothing can get in or out. It's virtually
impenetrable."
Sappe, "Fill it with water."
Hassan Thakuru <hassanthakuru@hotmail.com>
Male, Maldives - Sunday, October 10, 2004 at 03:52:56 (MDT)
Qasim Ibrahim was taken to
Maumoon's "dharubaar" for questioning
Yameen was there to conduct it.
When Maumoon nodded "go ahead" Yameen began…
Yameen: "mi gaumugai vaa echah, ekamaku nuvaa echah, aiee kooochah?"
Gasim: "Democracy….. (Bafayaa)"
Bonbifalhi
Maldives - Saturday, October 09, 2004 at 10:35:05 (MDT)
A Pakistani doctor said, "Medicine in my country is so advanced, we can take
a kidney out of one person, put it in another, and have them looking for
work in six weeks."
A Sri Lankan doctor said, "That's nothing! In Sri Lanka we can take a lung
out of one person, put it in another, and have them at work in four weeks."
A Indian doctor said, "In my country medicine is so advanced that we could
take a half a heart from one person, put it in another, and have them both
looking for work in two weeks."
The Maldivian doctor, not to be outdone, said: "Hah! We are about to take an
asshole out of Male', put him in jail, and have the whole country at work
within the year!"
Hassan Thakuru <hassanthakuru@hotmail.com>
Male, Maldives - Saturday, October 09, 2004 at 03:34:28 (MDT)
A little island boy wanted $100 badly and prayed for two weeks but nothing
happened.
Then he decided to write Sappe a letter requesting the $100. Sappe was so
impressed, touched, and he decided to send the little boy a $5.00 bill.
Sappe thought this would appear to be a lot of money to a little boy.
The little boy was delighted with the $5.00 and sat down to write a thank
you note to Sappe, which read:
Dear Sappe,
Thank you very much for sending the money, however, I noticed that for some
reason you had to send it through Male'
and, as usual, those crooks deducted
$95.00.
Hassan Thakuru <hassanthakuru@hotmail.com>
Male, Maldives - Friday, October 08, 2004 at 04:03:45 (MDT)
Q:
What's the difference between Gayyoom and a trampoline?
A: You take off your shoes before you jump on a trampoline.
Q: What's the difference between Gayyoom and a prostitute?
A: The prostitute gives value for the money she takes.
Q: What's the difference between Gayyoom and a catfish?
A: One is an ugly, old thing and the other is a fish.
Q: Why should Gayyoom be buried 100 feet deep?
A: Because deep down, he's really good people.
Q: What is a different between Gayyoom and Sappe?
A: Nothing. But there are some things that Sappe won't do.
Q: Why did God create Gayyoom?
A: In order to be just the president of Maldives.
Q: How many Maumoonies does it take to change a light bulb?
A: It's irrelevant; they still don't know they're in the dark!
Q: They say that Gayyoom wanted to bring political change to Maldives?
A: But what happened to the people who supported that change?.
Hassan Thakuru <hassanthakuru@hotmail.com>
Male, Maldives - Thursday, October 07, 2004 at 05:56:29 (MDT)
Maumoon Abdul Gayyoom's Intelligence Quiz
While visiting England, Maumoon Abdul Gayyoom is invited to tea with Sappe.
He asks him what his leadership philosophy is. He says that it is to
surround himself with intelligent people. He asks how he knows if they're
intelligent.
"I do so by asking them the right questions," says Sappe. "Allow me to
demonstrate."
He phones Anni and says, "Mr. Anni. Please answer this question: Your mother
has a child, and your father has a child, and this child is not your brother
or sister. Who is it?"
Anni responds, "It's me, bappa."
"Correct. Thank you and good-bye, sir," says Sappe. He hangs up and says,
"Did you get that, Mr. Gayyoom?"
"Yes bappa. Thanks a lot. I'll definitely be using that!"
Upon returning to Male´, he decides the Governments spokes person Dr.
Shaheed and says, "Dr. Shaheed, I wonder if you can answer a question for
me."
"Why, of course, sir. What's on your mind?"
"Uh, your mother has a child, and your father has a child, and this child is
not your brother or your sister. Who is it?"
Dr. Shaheed asks, "Can I think about it and get back to you?" Gayyoom
agrees, and Dr. Shaheed leaves. He immediately calls a meeting of other
senior members in president’s office, and they puzzle over the question for
several hours, but nobody can come up with an answer. Finally, in
desperation, Dr. Shaheed calls Fathulla Jameel at the Foreign Ministry and
explains his problem.
"Now look here Fathulla, your mother has a child, and your father has a
child, and this child is not your brother, or your sister. Who is it?"
Fathulla answers immediately, "It's me, of course, you dumb ass."
Much relieved, Shaheed rushes back to the President Gayyoom and exclaims, "I
know the answer, sir! I know who it is! It's Fathulla Jameel!" And Gayyoom
replies in disgust, "Wrong, you dumb ass, It's Anni!!"
Hassan Thakuru <hassanthakuru@hotmail.com>
Male, Maldives - Thursday, October 07, 2004 at 13:18:47 (MDT)
Maumoon A. Gayyoom on his
deathbed called Dr Shaheed and said, ", I want you to promise me that when I
die, you will have my remains cremated."
"And what," Dr Shaheed asked, "What do you want me to do with your ashes?"
Maumoon said, "Just put them in an envelope and mail them to Sappe. Write on
the envelope, "Now, you have everything."
~*the great
politician*~<the_great_politician@hotmail.com>
It was
the first day of school and a new student, Thakuru, son of an Island
Fisherman, entered the fourth grade class. The teacher said, "Let's begin by
reviewing some Maldivian history.
"Who said, “If Great Briton is the mother of modern democracy, Maldives would
be the father of the modern day democracy"
Thakuru
replies "Maumoon Abdul Gayyoom 1987"
"Very good! Who said '..."Vayah, Javvah, Fazaayah", Again, no response,
except from Thakur. “Maumoon Abdul Gayyoom 2003”
The teacher snapped, "Class, you should be ashamed. Thakuru, who is new to
Male', knows more about history than you do."
She heard a loud whisper, "Send the islanders home and never let them come
again without visa." "Who said that?" she demanded. Thakuru raised his hand:
"Maumoon Abdul Gayyoom, 1992."
At that point a student said, "I need to go out for spit." The teacher
glared and asked, "All right! Who said that?" Thakuru says, "Fathulla Jameel
to Maumoon Abdul Gayyoom 2004."
Furious, another student yells, "Oh yeah? Suck this!"
Thakuru jumps up waving his hand and shouts, "Maumoon Abdul Gayyoom to
Fathimath Riza 1993"
With near mob hysteria, someone screams, "You little shit. If you say
anything else, I'll kill you."
Thakuru yells, "Maumoon Abdul Gayyoom to Dr. Shaheed, 2003."
At this point, the teacher fainted. The class gathered around her.
One of the kids says, "Oh shit, we're in BIG trouble!"
Thakuru says, "Maumoon Abdul Gayyoom, 2004."
Hassan Thakuru <hassanthakuru@hotmail.com>
Male, Maldives - Wednesday, October 06, 2004 at 17:24:34 (MDT)
A first grade teacher in an island school is explaining to her class that she is
a supporter of Gayyoom and how nice it is that his new office and his new palace
etc. She asks her students to raise their hands if they, too, are supporters of
Gayyoom. Everyone in class raises their hands except one little girl. "Mariam,"
says the teacher with surprise, "why didn't you raise your hand?" Because I'm
not a Maumoonie," says Mariam. "Well, what are you?" asks the teacher. "I
support Sappe and I am proud of him and his hard work to bring a change to our
system," replies the little girl. The teacher cannot believe her ears. "My
goodness, Mariam, why are you supporting him?" she asks. "Well, my mamma and
bappa are his supporters as well, so do I." "Well," says the teacher in an
annoyed tone, "that's no reason for you to support Sappe. You don't always have
to be like your parents. What if your mamma was a criminal and your bappa was a
criminal, too, what would you be then?" Mariam smiled. "Then we'd be all
Maumoonies."
by email, 6th October 2004
Zahir Hussain and Maumoon
Gayyoom hired a new cute, young secretary for Presidential office and a
contest arises between them as to who can bed her first, even though they
are both already married. Eventually, Maumoon scores with her and Zahir
Hussain is quite eager to hear how things went. "So what did you think?"
Zahir Hussain asks.
"Ahh" replies Maumoon, "my wife is better."
Sometime goes by, and then Zahir Hussain goes to bed with the secretary.
"So," asks Maumoon, "what did you think?"
Zahir Hussain replies, "You were right, your wife is a lot better."
No Name - Thursday, September 23, 2004 at 12:00:59 (MDT)
Maumoon is playing in his garden with his
Brother Hameed. They're splashing around in his paddling pool and quickly
get thoroughly soaked, so they decide to take off their wet clothes. Maumoon
looks at Hameed, then looks down at himself, and then says, "Oy, I just
didn't realize there was so much
difference between MURDERERS and CHILD ABUSERS."
~*the great politician*~<the_great_politician@hotmail.com>
Thursday, 24th September 2004
Maumoon just
doesn't care!
Husnu Al Suood :
Did you kill the victim?
Maumoon : No, I did not.
Husnu Al Suood : Do you know what the penalty is for perjury?
Maumoon : Yeah, and it's a hell of a lot better than the
penalty for murder.
~*the great politician*~<the_great_politician@hotmail.com>
Thursday, 24th September 2004
Gayyoom is a Puppet?
President Maumoon A. Gayyoom was getting angry about the public opinion of
his ability to govern, so he arranged a press conference to let the
Maldivian public know what was on his mind.
He started strongly, "The
Maldivian People must know that I am wholly fit, capable, and prepared to
serve this nation as commander-in-chief. And I say to those people who
believe that I don't have a mind of my own..." Maumoon said and froze. He
looked over at Shaheed and whispered, "Shaheed, what do I say to them
again...?"
~*the great politician*~<the_great_politician@hotmail.com>
Wednesday, 15th September 2004
The President's Puzzle
Dr. Ahmed Shaheed walks into the Presidents Office and sees The President
whooping and hollering.
"What's the matter, Mr. President?" Dr.
Shaheed inquired.
"Nothing at all, Shaheed. I just done finished a jigsaw puzzle in record
time!" The President beamed.
"How long did it take you?"
"Well, the box said '3 to 5 Years' but I did it in a month!"
~*the great politician*~ <the_great_politician@hotmail.com>
Wednesday, 15th September 2004
One Mr. Umar Zahir went to
Singapore with Mr. President on an official visit. The delegation stayed in
a Famous Five Star Hotel in Singapore. The first day after arrival to the
Hotel, everybody went to their Allocated rooms. Mr. Umar Zahir went to his
room and found out that there is no electricity in the room but he took a
shower and managed to get changed and went out to attend the meetings. While
on the way out he complained to the reception that the lights are not
working in his room. The reception immediately sent an electrician to check
the lights and they found that there is no problem. When Mr. Umar Zahir
returned still the lights are not working so he thought he will get some
candles instead and managed throughout the stay.
While on the way back in VIP lounge, everybody met and started to comment
about the stay and
Umar Zahir said: This
Hotel is the worst hotel I have ever stayed
One member of the delegation: Why what happened?
Umar Zahir: I have complained them about the lights on few occasions but
they were unable to fix it so. I managed with some candles...
The member of delegation: IC, did you insert your key tag in to the right
place?
Umar Zahir: No, I always am very careful with the keys, so I left them
inside the pocket.
Chilhiya
Maldives - Monday, September 13, 2004 at 20:40:09 (MDT)
A few day's after (name of
the future president of Maldives) inauguration, a man came up
to the uniformed National Security Service Guard on duty at
the Presidential Palace (Theemuge) and said "I'd like to see
President Maumoon."
The National Security Service Guard politely answered "Sir,
Mr. Maumoon is no longer the president."
The man said, "Oh, O.K." and walked away.
The next day the National Security Service Guard was again on
duty and the same man approached and again asked to see
President Maumoon.
The National Security Service Guard again answered, "Sir, Mr.
Maumoon is no longer president."
Again the man answered, "Oh, O.K." and walked away.
The next day the same man approached the same National
Security Service Guard and again asked to see President
Maumoon.
The Guard, a little annoyed, said "Sir, I've told you, Mr.
Maumoon is no longer the president. Don't you understand
that?"
"Yes, I do" said the man, "But I just enjoy hearing it."
The Guard smiled and said, "See you tomorrow."
~*the great
politician*~ by email
- Sunday, 12th
September 2004
MINUTES OF CABINET MEETING
Maumoon : Balaga Ilyas kobai hey dhevana gulha
Ilyas : Ballavaa mee ey dhevana gulha
Hameed : keekey unn... dhevana gulha ey
Yameen : hooon... gulha vaahaka feshee dho...
Fathulla : Yameen eyndhee dhevana gulha dhiru vaalaigen
Aneesa : Alhugadu gulha thella dheefaanan.
Maumoon : hoon... hevey. Ma mi ahanee kobaahey dhevana gulha
Ilyas : mee mee... ey dhevana gulha,, miothee ey. Manikfaanu
effaharu ves essevintho furathama gulha kobaa hey
Hameed : Manikfaanu kaan beynumiyyaa atholhu thakun gulha
genevidhaane
Fathulla : Hameedhu kaley lha firihen kudhin gennan veenu
Yameen : mashah ves mashah ves..thee ragalhu kameh
Maumoon : chos chos... kaley mennah nuvaane ekkameves,
Furathama gulha hoadhan Emergency Iulaan kurey. Meeting nimunee
Cabinet Insider
Male', Kaafu Maldives - Thursday, September 09, 2004 at
11:01:02 (MDT)
Is anyone aware of the military
aircraft wheels ordered by Municipality?
Here it is?. When British left Addu, they left quite a number
of vehicles, machines, engines, and so on?..They also left
quite a lot of wheel burrows in GAN Island. As soon as they
left most of the items were transferred to Male'. The wheel
burrows were taken to municipality and when they checked a
number of those wheel burrows were punctured and therefore
they decided to order spare wheels for the wheel burrows. Like
everybody does, they simply took the part number from
punctured wheels and asked quotation from a British company.
When they got the quotation, the price of one wheel is equal
to couple of hundred dollars, but municipality decided to
confirm the order as the wheel burrow seems to be in good
condition and still shiny. Once the shipment arrived, the
packing list as MILITARY AIRCRAFT SPARES.
Bangalhi/Minicipalty
Bangla
Maldives - Wednesday, September 08, 2004 at 03:19:57 (MDT)
Question: Why was Abdullah
Hameed fired from his job at the Sperm Bank?
Answer: Because he was
caught drinking on the job! Ha! Ha! Haaa!
Ahmed, by email
26-08-2004
Last year when "Ibulees" was on a promotional
tour in SAARC region and visited Maldives towards the end of
the tour. From airport itself he came to realize that there is
no point for him to continue his promotional programs and
thought to take his flight back to India. While waiting at
Mariyaadh, a group of German guests approached to him.
German Guests: Hi Ibulees:
Ibulees: Hi guys,
German Guests: Which resort you stayed during this visit?
Ibulees: I'm on a Promotional tour to SAARC region, and
arrived here just now and I changed my mind and flying back to
India.
German Guests: Why, such a sudden change to your scheduled
program.
Ibulees: From what I have seen upon arrival to airport it
self, I came to realize that I don't have anything to promote
over here. They are far more advanced. Look at the way these
pretty girls dress, I was told that this is their National
dress... but based on my data base this country is marked as a
100% muslim country. If this is their national dress then
imagine how their casual dress will be like!??
Bandhu <bandhey@airport.com>
Hulhule, K Maldives - Sunday, August 22, 2004 at 00:57:45
(MDT)
Maumoon's wife Nasreena died and was taken to the
Heaven directly. On arrival at the gate she was greeted by the
Angel of the Heavens, the Angel invited to her for a
introductory round trip of the Heaven. So she went around with
the Angel and came across a huge wall where lots of clocks
were displayed. Astonished she asked what are all these clocks
for, the Angel replied that there will be one clock for each
of the person living in the earth, whenever anyone lie, the
hand of the clock moves once. There are two clocks to which we
pay very good attention as the hands of those clocks never
moved, curiously she checked the names of the those two
clocks, they belong to very good God fearing two citizens of
Maldives. She asked the Angel where is Maumoon's clock then,
The Angel said we are keeping that one in our office using it as
a ceiling fan.
Jabir
Addu, Maldives - Friday, August 20, 2004 at 04:25:23 (MDT)
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